House chatfic

[niq]

Okay, so, I was trying to figure out when the next new House would show. I ended up finding a summary for it, which made me go OMGWTF.

"While the staff tries to diagnose a woman suffering from uncontrollable muscle flailing and crashes her car, House and Stacy try to resolve their relationship issues once and for all. Cameron refuses to get the results of her HIV test."

So, uh, that's how this happened.

niqaeli: ...zomg. They didn't drop the plotline entirely! TV.com's summary for Need to Know: "While the staff tries to diagnose a woman suffering from uncontrollable muscle flailing and crashes her car, House and Stacy try to resolve their relationship issues once and for all. Cameron refuses to get the results of her HIV test."
jmtorres: *eyeroll*
niqaeli: Yeah, what did you expect?
jmtorres: cameron, you dumbfuck
niqaeli: But yu know what would be beautiful? If Cam refused but Chase got his and was positive.
jmtorres: HA
niqaeli: And he's like, "No, really you need to go get those results RIGHT NOW."
niqaeli: House: *blink* Why do you care so much about Cameron being a moron? Unless...
niqaeli: Chase: *glare*
niqaeli: House: Well, crap.
niqaeli: Wilson: What did I miss?
jmtorres: House: *starts hitting on Foreman*
Foreman: WTF, man?
House: You're the only safe one left.
Foreman: ...
House: Who saw that coming? It's so statistically unlikely!
Foreman: Oh, screw *you.*
House: My point exactly.
niqaeli: Hee!
niqaeli: Wilson: ...what, I'm chopped liver?
niqaeli: House: Yes. You'd go well with onions.

And a little later:
niqaeli: But, seriously. House would be all "Dammit, I'm losing two of my people and screw this Foreman-is-my-boss shit, they're my people. Two! I had them all broken in and comfy."
niqaeli: Wilson: Yes, it's so hard breaking the spirit in one's minions.
jmtorres: lol
niqaeli: House: *sticks his tongue out*
Wilson: You know, you are allowed to be upset about this. I won't tell anyone that the big bad House has human emotions.
niqaeli: House: Oh, you know how to woo a man. Take me now, Jimmy.
niqaeli: Wilson: *sigh* James. And stop deflecting. I know you better. I may be the only person who does.
niqaeli: House: This is touching, really. You, reaching out to the bitter asshole. Me, deflecting it and being the bitter asshole. If only my heart would melt already, we could be a Lifetime movie.
niqaeli: Wilson: You know, this is not your most attractive side.
House: Which does make one wonder why you put up with me.
Wilson: Oh, we both know that one. Seriously, though. You enjoy tormenting Cameron and have some small, tiny measure of affection for her due to all the fun you can have with her and you actually, against all reason, like Chase. Despite the crap he pulled on you with Vogler. I think you must be attracted to him, the only other people you let get away with that much are Stacy and me.
House: Yeah, okay, I'm upset. You got me. Can we move on? Please? You know what chick flick moments do to my bowels.
Wilson: Yeah. Sure.
niqaeli: Elsewhere:

Cameron: I can't believe you!
Chase: I'm not the one who was being avoidant and stupid.
Cameron: You never told me!
Chase: What, thanks for the sex that was a really bad idea and by the way I might have been exposed too?
Cameron: Yes!
Chase: You have martyr complex the size of Mount Rushmore, like you needed that? Besides, it was... I was sober, you weren't. If this is anyone's fault, it's mine.
jmtorres: Cameron: Okay, now you're just treating me like a child.
Chase: You were on DRUGS.
niqaeli: Cameron: Yeah, okay, but really. I made a stupid choice, you made a stupid choice.
niqaeli: Chase: *stares at Cam*