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[fic] here, have some more insane Next/House crossover
SO, SO CRACKED.
House limped into the patient's room and looked her over. He hadn't realised that hospital gowns came in blue gingham.
"You've got an allergy," he said. "Now, normally this wouldn't be interesting, but we apparently can't figure out what you're allergic to. And, also, you're a nutcase, which if it's related, might be interesting. So, any pets?"
"A dodo," she said, looking up from her son who burbled something like, "Ickpick! Ispum!"
"Really," House said. "Where is it from? For that matter, where are you actually from? My minion did a horrible job on your intake form."
"England. But I'm pretty sure it's not your England," she said, bouncing the kid who burbled some more. "I don't think she believed me, though."
House eyed the kid. "Do you use any chemicals in your work?"
"Ink, mostly."
"Does your son have any other developmental problems?"
She sighed and turned the kid towards her. "Friday, you need to speak in English," she scolded. "Not everyone speaks Ipsum."
Friday screwed his face up and pouted. "IPSUM."
She glared back. "If you're going to talk back, you're going to talk back in English, mister." He gathered a lungful of air and she clamped a hand over his mouth. "Oh no you don't. The word you meant there was 'no', and you are in so much trouble." She upended him and smacked his butt. "Now hush." He subsided, but continued glaring.
"...Ipsum," House said. "Ipsum lorem. The kid speaks in ipsum lorem?"
"Yes. It's very embarrasing. But it was hard, being a single mom with a demanding job. You get who you can to babysit."
"What, a book-setter?" House asked. "No, don't answer that. Answer my question--any other developmental problems?"
"No," she said. "He's actually fairly advanced for his age. And it's been better since we got Landon back--he can speak English, he's just being cranky."
"Hm," House said. "Well, I can't actually send my minions to break into your house and check for environmental factors. When did you first start showing symptoms?"
She got a thoughtful look. "Well, I started breaking out like this when the dimensional warp opened up. Friday was fine, though. Possibly it's because he goes into the Chronoguard--they do all kinds of retro-vaccinations that I've never gotten. I just end up in the middle of Really Weird Shit. I'm a touch annoyed about that, mind you, given what the Chronoguard did to his Grandad and him helping, but we all make mistakes when we're young, so there's always hope for him."
House limped into the patient's room and looked her over. He hadn't realised that hospital gowns came in blue gingham.
"You've got an allergy," he said. "Now, normally this wouldn't be interesting, but we apparently can't figure out what you're allergic to. And, also, you're a nutcase, which if it's related, might be interesting. So, any pets?"
"A dodo," she said, looking up from her son who burbled something like, "Ickpick! Ispum!"
"Really," House said. "Where is it from? For that matter, where are you actually from? My minion did a horrible job on your intake form."
"England. But I'm pretty sure it's not your England," she said, bouncing the kid who burbled some more. "I don't think she believed me, though."
House eyed the kid. "Do you use any chemicals in your work?"
"Ink, mostly."
"Does your son have any other developmental problems?"
She sighed and turned the kid towards her. "Friday, you need to speak in English," she scolded. "Not everyone speaks Ipsum."
Friday screwed his face up and pouted. "IPSUM."
She glared back. "If you're going to talk back, you're going to talk back in English, mister." He gathered a lungful of air and she clamped a hand over his mouth. "Oh no you don't. The word you meant there was 'no', and you are in so much trouble." She upended him and smacked his butt. "Now hush." He subsided, but continued glaring.
"...Ipsum," House said. "Ipsum lorem. The kid speaks in ipsum lorem?"
"Yes. It's very embarrasing. But it was hard, being a single mom with a demanding job. You get who you can to babysit."
"What, a book-setter?" House asked. "No, don't answer that. Answer my question--any other developmental problems?"
"No," she said. "He's actually fairly advanced for his age. And it's been better since we got Landon back--he can speak English, he's just being cranky."
"Hm," House said. "Well, I can't actually send my minions to break into your house and check for environmental factors. When did you first start showing symptoms?"
She got a thoughtful look. "Well, I started breaking out like this when the dimensional warp opened up. Friday was fine, though. Possibly it's because he goes into the Chronoguard--they do all kinds of retro-vaccinations that I've never gotten. I just end up in the middle of Really Weird Shit. I'm a touch annoyed about that, mind you, given what the Chronoguard did to his Grandad and him helping, but we all make mistakes when we're young, so there's always hope for him."
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WILSON/FRIDAY ALL THE WAY <333333!!!1!1!1111