[fic] Brokeback Mountain: String of Broken Dreams

[niq]

String of Broken Dreams
Brokeback Mountain. G.
"I saw him look over at that postcard, and then I knew."


My daddy was a good man, I know he was. Momma never explained why they divorced, just said 'We couldn't live with each other anymore, and it was better for us all. I didn't want you growing up in a broken home, and we would have been more broken if I'd stayed with him."

Daddy only ever said it was cos of a lesson he still didn't learn 'til too late. Made fun of himself for being so slow, not like me with my straight As at college. I'm going to nursing school, see. I saw him look over at that postcard, and then I knew. I remembered him and his fishing buddy, and the way Momma'd cry.

I looked at him, and he looked back, and I guess he saw I knew, cos he shivered under his coat. "Never learned that lesson 'til it was too late," he repeated and fell quiet again.

He looked so tired and lonely. "Daddy, I worry about you, up in this trailer with no furniture and nobody else besides. I know you don't like the city none, but please at least come and visit your granddaughter, for Christmas? Kurt wouldn't mind at all. And Momma can just hush her mouth, because I want my girl to know her Granddaddy."

He smiled, but still looked so damn lonely.

I know he hurt my Momma. If Kurt did something like that to me, I doubt I'd manage quite so well as Momma did. But I know my daddy's a good man, too, and he's miserable enough to make up for it. At least Momma got to move on, make herself happy.

Well, Daddy came and visited little Jennifer Watts--we named her after my sister--and he loved her, like I knew he would, and he went back to that crappy little trailer, like I knew he would. I kinda hoped he'd change his mind about the city, come here and live closer to us, but he won't ever. He's gonna die lonely, dreaming of Jack Twist. I'm just surprised he ain't died yet of that broken heart.

I worry about him, and I wish he'd go visit my sister. I've tried dropping hints, but I guess I'm just gonna have to tell him outright. Momma's cut Jenny off, won't have nothin' to do with her, cos Jenny's been talking about moving into an apartment with her dormmate, Elisa, and I guess I know now why she's so dead set against it all, why it's so personal. It's a shame, Elisa's a good girl, and well, if it ain't what you'd expect, they're happy. I can't ask for more than my little sister being happy. And I bet it'd do Daddy and Jenny both good to talk. Won't make Momma happy, but she's got a life of her own to live now, and she already done disowned Jenny, ain't like she got much say left.

Maybe she'll come round in time. She's a good woman, she really is, and I don't think she's stopped loving Jenny. Just doesn't know what the hell to do with her, and there's a whole hell of a lot of hurt still there. But given time, maybe she'll see Jenny's just looking to be happy, and ain't no one else being hurt by this. I hope she will, because I hate seeing my family this broken.

We been shattered enough, no sense letting ourselves be scattered too.

Comments

[penm.livejournal.com]

He's gonna die lonely, dreaming of Jack Twist.

This hurts because it's true.

Beautiful. Thanks so much. <3. Really.