jmtorres, you can rest easy knowing that I am just as cracked on my own, apparently

[niq]

So, uh, I was talking to siriaeve. And SGA came up. As did young!Hewlett and his cheekbones. And then the crack fairy came and dusted us, or at least me, with hashish or possibly acid.

And that's how I ended up this vague, rough outline for a story.


[16:12] niqaeli: Indeed! ...eventually, I will get caught up on SG1 and SGA and then start wading my way through the sheer badness that Hewlett's and Flannigan's previous careers hold. Especially the early!Hewlett. Mm, pretty,.
[16:13] siriaeve: Oh god. The things I have watched for the sake of the Hewlett and the Flan. The *things*. Danielle Steele movies. Shows where David Hewlett turns into a cartoon robot. Movies where David Hewlett can *cure puppies with his brain*
[16:13] siriaeve: It's like a sickness.
[16:13] siriaeve: But Christ on a bike, David Hewlett had cheekbones you could *shave* with when he was eighteen or so.
[16:13] niqaeli: I've seen some caps from stuff he was in at that age. Dear *god*, yes, the cheekbones. He was *pretty*.
[16:14] niqaeli: He was, like. Jailbait.
[16:15] niqaeli: ...oh my god, no brain, NO. Just no.

(I have a friend whose nickname from me is Jailbait as he is absurdly pretty and all of barely!17. He was 15 when I met him. Anyway. I just contemplated putting him in, like, an SGA uniform and having him be the complement to Jenn's Teacher's Pet series--baby!McKay instead of baby!Sheppard.)
[16:16] niqaeli: I really kind of want that fic now. Baby!Rodney and baby!Daniel and mini!Jack herding them, going "oh my GOD, they really were WORSE when they were this age. HELP."
[16:16] niqaeli: The cute could possibly slay from fifteen feet.
[16:17] siriaeve: Jesus. They'd be like the Muppet Babies. Only on crack, and hyper intelligent, and with all the morals of a small group of cats, and big eyes that make the ovaries of every female explode
[16:17] siriaeve: I've seen pictures of a six year old Hewlett. The *eyes*
[16:17] niqaeli: They would!
[16:17] siriaeve: They form half his body mass
[16:17] niqaeli: ...oh god.
[16:17] niqaeli: *whimpers*
[16:21] siriaeve: Oh, the Hewlett. He has ruined me for other men!
[16:21] niqaeli: *giggles*
[16:21] niqaeli: Somehow, McKay gets turned into baby!McKay. He's still just as brilliant, but he's SIX and much less emotionally mature and capable of handling his temper. But he's actually even BETTER at running Atlantis than he was as an adult, because his brain is all squishy and moldable. Zelenka is going just a tiiiiny bit mad because he really wants to duct-tape the brat and shove him in a closet but he CAN'T because he needs the little fucker.
[16:22] siriaeve: God, Zelenka would *flip*
[16:22] niqaeli: And he really wants to punch the women who are cooing over him.
[16:22] niqaeli: The women who work in the labs and have seen him on a tear are down with Zelenka on this.
[16:23] niqaeli: "We'll sit on them, you make with the punching. I don't CARE how cute he is! He destroyed my workstation and declared that I am a moron and rewrote half my equations before he wandered off bored."
[16:23] niqaeli: "And then he asked me for cookies half an hour later."
[16:24] siriaeve: But Rodney as a child would disarm and confuse utterly. Cherubic six year old! With the foul mouth of a docker!
[16:24] niqaeli: yes, this is true.
[16:25] siriaeve: And the others would defend him. Including John.
[16:25] siriaeve: But John would only defend him because he likes to drive Radek crazy
[16:26] siriaeve: "He just needs his nap, Zelenka. You know what he's like without naptime!" *Sheppard look that is 80% innocence, 20% pouty*
[16:26] niqaeli: *giggles*
[16:27] niqaeli: "I DON'T WANT A NAP. *screaming fit* I want to play with my equations! And finish building my jumper!"
[16:27] niqaeli: Zelenka: *twitchtwitch* *picks him up and shoves him at John* You defend him, you get to put him down for nap. Have fun!
[16:27] siriaeve: Complete with blond curls!
[16:28] siriaeve: Radek: *mutters* "Should be renamed Damien."
[16:28] niqaeli: Haha, yes, exactly.
[16:28] siriaeve: Rodney: *falls asleep with arms wrapped around John's neck, drools on his shoulder*
[16:29] niqaeli: John: Ew, drool. *secretly inwardly a little bit touched*
[16:30] siriaeve: Especially with the blond curls tickling his chin.
[16:30] siriaeve: .... oh god, when did I turn broody? When?
[16:30] siriaeve: Damn the Hewlett!
[16:31] niqaeli: *dying*
[16:31] niqaeli: I blame my brooding, nesty instinct on my friend who has a five month old.
[16:31] niqaeli: My ovaries go "hey, lady, we can give you one of those! you'd love it!" And my brain goes and twitches in a corner at the idea.
[16:35] niqaeli: They eventually recruit mini!Jack because they think possibly baby!McKay will respond better to someone younger(-looking) and closer to his own age who is smart enough to follow him and tough enough to control him. It, um, doesn't go well at first. And the women are very concerned about little Rodney because he's so quiet now and has prey-eyes, the nervous ones where you can tell they're just looking and waiting for a predator to pounce. But Rodney is much better behaved, they'll admit, he was adorable and precious but not always nice, and it's pretty nice to get through lunch again without a screaming fit or two.
[16:36] siriaeve: mini!Jack would be very... polite.
[16:37] siriaeve: He would freak John out *so much*
[16:37] niqaeli: Haha, oh man. Especially if he got the background on exactly who this brat is.
[16:37] niqaeli: "...that's General O'Neill."
[16:37] niqaeli: "Well, ort of."
[16:39] siriaeve: And then mini Daniel would just babble *everywhere*, every other sentence out of his mouth "What's that? What does it do? Can I touch it?" and for some reason, no matter how often they resize his clothes for him, everything is two sizes too big for him.
[16:39] siriaeve: Even his glasses
[16:42] niqaeli: *dying* Yes. Now, if baby!Daniel is about 12 or so... Jack is always very warm to him but if Jack has to discipline Rodney around Daniel, Daniel gets this haunted look in his eyes and goes away and hides for awhile. They can never find him without John's help and even he has trouble getting the city to tell him. They're still not exactly sure how Daniel managed to get the city to do that for him since he hasn't got the gene.
[16:43] siriaeve: (Oh, Daniel would *talk* to it. He can't understand why people just don't talk in Ancient to it; it misses the language, which makes perfect sense to Daniel. Sometimes, he reads it poetry. Until Rodney finds out and mocks him for it.)
[16:44] siriaeve: (Of course, then Jack finds out about Rodney's mockery. And that can't be good)
[16:44] niqaeli: Oh, yes, definitely.
[16:48] niqaeli: But despite that, Jack ends up very protective of little Rodney as well, because, well, helloooooo daddy issues. He and Zelenka are not on good terms because Zelenka is always muttering under his breath about the brat and that doesn't sit well with Jack. "Look, Zinka, he's six. His brain is the size of this planet, but he's a small children and small children are not known for their patience or emotional maturity. Instead of taking it out on him, simmer the fuck down and work on fixing it, okay? We clear?"
[16:49] niqaeli: (And, oh god, I just pictured what would go down when they got McKay back to his proper size and mental age. "Oh god. *hyperventilates* I drooled on your shoulder. Multiple times. I drooled on Elizabeth's shoulder. Excuse me, I need to go hide now and never show my face again.)
[16:51] siriaeve: Jack would be *such* a good daddy. Even with all the issues that's bound to bring out in him. At least Jack is, you know, one of the few functional adults who has ever worked for the SGC
[16:54] niqaeli: He *adores* kids. He likes them because they're uncomplicated. They lie, sure, but they're crap at it, and they're blunt in a way that pretty much no adult ever is. baby!Rodney charms him even if he does have to ride the kid's ass horribly to keep him, you know, fit for company.
[16:55] siriaeve: God, he'd raise him to have manners. Mostly. And they would bond over hockey, which they both know is the only true sport.
[16:56] siriaeve: Between that, and Zelenka's insane addiction to the World Cup ("3-0! Colonel, does your soccer team actually have any acquaintance with actual sport of soccer?"), John would be feeling very outnumbered in the sports department.
[16:57] niqaeli: Haha, oh yes.
[16:57] siriaeve: Even Ronon would desert him, because he thinks hockey is much more interesting (read: more violent. also, ice, which was very exotic on Sateda)
[16:57] niqaeli: *grins*
[16:59] niqaeli: (Oh, god, that would be exciting and weird. Restored!McKay and Jack interacting. McKay has the weird and disturbing tendency to want to call him Daddy. Jack is all, "...greaaat, we have the asshole that I wanted to dropkick out a spacelock back. I want my kid back." but only thinks this to himself because it would be such a bad idea to say it and while he doesn't have tact he does have self-preservation..)
[17:00] siriaeve: ... Rodney calling Jack 'Dad'? I. I think I may love you. Just a little.
[17:01] niqaeli: He would, like, stop mid-sentence, upon hearing it leave his mouth, and just sort of gape at himself in horror. "Oh god. I need coffee. And sugar. And possibly a gun with which to kill myself."
[17:03] niqaeli: Jack: "Well. This is awkward."
[17:03] siriaeve: While Teyla makes that little face which means she's compressing all her stomach muscles at once in an attempt not to die laughing.
[17:03] niqaeli: Yes! John tries along with her and completely fails on that count.
[17:05] siriaeve: (John's stomach muscles? Just not that impressive)
[17:06] niqaeli: Oh, yes. He hates doing crunches. He only does them when he notices he's starting to get that tiiiiny itty-bitty proto-roll that comes not from fat from lack of muscle tone and only until it goes away again.
[17:07] siriaeve: John doing stomach crunches? Oh, hi. I'm having a moment.
[17:08] niqaeli: *giiiiiggles* Yes, his shirt would ruck up over his stomach and you'd get a peek at that little line of hair from the navel...

*has a moment of her own*
[17:11] niqaeli: Danny is precious and so un-jealous of his little brother, and he's bewildered and hurt and abandoned when Rodney goes away. He doesn't speak English for a week--only Arabic with an occasional spate of French. Jack has a splitting headache that entire week, he hates hearing Arabic and speaking it is even worse. He downs, like, half a bottle of Excedrin, and doesn't once tell Danny to at least speak in French for him.
[17:13] siriaeve: Oh god. Daniel and Rodney as kind of brothers. The competing academic egos! Rodney telling Daniel that linguistics is stupid and silly and pointless, and Daniel having a fit at Rodney in about fifteen different languages. And then Rodney feels guilty when he sees Daniel is really upset (because frankly, I think the times Rodney sets out to purposefully hurt someone are minimal), and then they're all hugging, little fists and Rodney saying "'m sorry, I'm sorry" and. Oh god. I may need insulin.
[17:18] niqaeli: Oh, lord. Yes, that exactly. And Jack is lurking in a corner, watching this whole fit, waiting to see if they'll work it out on their own and when they do, he feels all squishy and warm inside about his kids and how well they're turning out. And also like a dirty damn pervert. He doesn't lust after baby!Daniel or anything, he just feels like a fucked up freak being parent to someone who grew up/will grow up to be someone who had very less than familial thoughts about. He just thanks god he doesn't have to look after a baby!Sam.
[17:19] siriaeve: God, that would be *intensely* fucked up. No. No baby!Sam.
[17:20] niqaeli: It's *bad enough* with Daniel. Sam was his 2IC. He is intensely grateful that he doesn't have to deal with that trauma.
[17:20] niqaeli: Also, oh my god, baby!Sam would be a terror. Like, as bad as Rodney in her own way.
[17:20] niqaeli: Rebellious. So rebellious, so pissed off with authority.
[17:20] siriaeve: Sam would have command issues *and* "Crap, it's *Jack*" issues *and* daddy issues from it.
[17:21] niqaeli: Yes, ALL THREE.
[17:22] niqaeli: baby!Sam probably played at being a goth or something equally aggravating to Dad during her teenage rebellion. *attempts to do math in her head*
[17:23] niqaeli: *attempts some more* Crap, I need to rewatch 1969, figure out how old everyone is. Oh well. Anyway. :P
[17:25] siriaeve: I think Daniel was born 65. I've always presumed Sam is a couple of years older than him. But let's face it, the canon? She is not consistent
[17:25] niqaeli: Yeah, this is true.
[17:28] niqaeli: Hm. mini!Jack really loves his kids and he got a lot warmer towards people on Atlantis in general after he settled Rodney out and calmed Danny down. He goes... very cold, very prickly towards them, when they deage McKay. I can't decide if baby!Daniel should be a clone or should be actual!Daniel, but if they latter, then he completely shuts down emotionally and is about as communicative as a brick wall when they deage Daniel.
[17:28] niqaeli: mini!Jack has, um, some issues with being abandoned.
[17:29] niqaeli: Or, rather, having his family taken away.
[17:29] siriaeve: Boy, does Jack have some issues with family.
[17:29] niqaeli: Yeah, seriously. And mini!Jack is about five times worse and a hell of a lot more bitter.
[17:31] niqaeli: He generally keeps up the cheerful not-so-bright facade, the 'hey, I'm not being shot at, life is good!' attitude, but every so often, zing, he hits people with a really cruel comment.
[17:32] niqaeli: Usually when they say something that reminds him of SG-1.
[17:32] niqaeli: Not that I've given mini!Jack lots and lots of thought or anything.
[17:33] niqaeli: *cough*
[17:41] niqaeli: *saves log* ...some day, I may actually write this. Or at least, you know, snippets of it that amuse me.

Comments

[siria]

*FACEPALMS*

[niqaeli]

...Heh.

If I write some of it, will you forgive me? Also, I totally will attempt to photoshop together a cover. mini!Jack, proud papa, watching over his two kids. XD

[siria]

Oh god, I think I would.

I may have an illness.

[niqaeli]

*hands you some insulin*

You're probably going to need it.

Also, I am going to the special, special hell. I possibly, um. kinda want jack/mckay/daniel after mckay and daniel get fixed and mckay stops spazzing and sheppard is very jealous except he would never admit that even under pain of death and um.

Look, I said I was going to the special hell, all right?

[siria]

Well, think of it this way. The special hell is where all the interesting people will be, too. Sure, we'll be roasted by the fires of eternal damnation, but we'll get to do so in good company!

And that would be kind of hot. Because, shh, don't tell anyone, but I may kind of sort of have a sneaking fondness for Rodney/Daniel, because they'd either truly loathe one another or bounce off one another so well. and also, the hot. plus, John's jealousy would be just... *glees*

I'm at peace with my ultimate fiery destination.

[niqaeli]

John would be so jealous. And he'd lock it up and refuse to admit it to himself much less anyone else and eventually Rodney would snap and just lose it. "What the *fuck* is your problem?" and John would be grim-faced and all "We are not having this conversation," except they do because, well, Rodney is not one to be deterred.

Andthentheyhavesextheend.

except totally not because Jack *freaks* when he finds out and it is all very very awkward and painful and fucked up and Heightmeyer and Elizabeth go and get very, very drunk together on some of zelenka's moonshine because they really can't deal with trying to sort out these idiots' massive, massive issues right.

[siria]

John's grim, brave little soldier flyboy face is the best thing ever. Especially when it's John doing his "What issues? I have no issues" shtick.

Which just makes Rodney roll his eyes and then badger him¹ until he admits that he's totally hot for Rodney's ass.

except totally not because Jack *freaks* when he finds out and it is all very very awkward and painful and fucked up

Oh, but John/Rodney is always going to be more than a little fucked up. They're just such, such... boys. Having the daddy issues about the whole "I'm really gay for Rodney" thing be right in the room, literally, would just amp these things up to an insane degree.

And well. Elizabeth's canonically on medication anyway. I'm sure Heightmeyer can't be far behind.

¹ Rodney can in many ways be compared to a Yorkshire terrier

[niqaeli]

Heh, yes.

Pretty much anyone with anyone else in the SG universe is fucked up because not one of these people is what you'd call sane in the head and most of them weren't *before* they went through spinny ring of weirdness. And the spinny ring of weirdness shredded any last tatters of sanity that might've been hanging around.

I have to imagine that every day none of the Atlantis expedition suffers a psychotic break, Heightmeyer considers a win. And I really have to imagine that any sessions with John or Rodney or Jack are followed up by her getting very drunk because oh my god these people need professional help and they're making *her* need professional help by being their professional help inasmuch as any of them will permit. Which isn't much.

The daddy issues are, like, the elephant in the living room. It's there, everybody can see it, and *nobody* wants to talk about it or admit that they can see it.

[siria]

I wonder if anyone has done a study as to whether or not travelling through the gate does bring about some degree of psychosis? I mean, let's face it. There's something weird going on there.

There must be plenty of people on Atlantis who have had psychotic breaks, or who are holding onto sanity by their fingertips. Carson is probably only still allowing himself to practice medicine because he's pretty sure that the pink pixies aren't really dancing around the corner of the infirmary. And it's always a bad sign when Rodney McKay is one of the most well-balanced members of your team.

The daddy issues are, like, the elephant in the living room. It's there, everybody can see it, and *nobody* wants to talk about it or admit that they can see it.

Oh yes. I mean, it's telling that we know absolutely nothing about John's family background, but the entire fandom instantly says "Daddy issues!" Make those issues an actual integral part of the story and. Well. Keep the C-14 away from John. 'm just saying.

[tamtrible.livejournal.com]

I'd read it...